Dating and relationships and all the messy emotions that come with it/them are a pain in the ass. Falling in love, while it feels good when it’s good, really ends up sucking when things don’t work out. Over and over again you open yourself up to be known by another person and over and over again you get hurt. It’s frustrating. Sometimes I feel by writing this stuff, about healthy relationships and great self-esteem, I should be impervious to all the little ways your brain likes to fuck you up when you’re in a relationship, or when you’re actively dating. But I still do foolish shit, I start to lose myself in relationships, I freak out and miscommunicate.

It’s totally OK to not always be on your A-game as far as having your shit together goes. What matters is if you can notice yourself falling into the behavior you want to avoid and stop yourself before it gets to be a big problem. Sometimes the less-than-smart side of you will be really loud and you’ll go ahead and keep doing what negative thing you’re doing. But with practice you can step back and evaluate what behaviors you really want to promote over the long term. It’s really hard to change your behavior and tackle mental demons that might make it even harder for you to maintain healthy relationships, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re not perfect. Be kind to yourself, because trust me, the dating world is not kind.

Basically what I’m saying is: keep your game up, but forgive yourself if you end up in another crappy relationship you should have seen coming, or you go out with a total loser you smelled a mile away. We’re not perfect; self-love is a journey.

10 thoughts on “If you’ve been caught slippin’…

  1. “It’s totally OK to not always be on your A-game as far as having your shit together goes. ”

    As a woman monogamously partnered for over thirteen years I can say every word of this applies. Even long term relationships have sloppy slip-ups.

    And this post is full of Win for the single/dating/serial/poly peeps too. I wish I’d been self-forgiving back in the day, but I slut-shamed myself too much.

  2. kellyhogaboom says:

    “It’s totally OK to not always be on your A-game as far as having your shit together goes. ”

    As a woman monogamously partnered for over thirteen years I can say every word of this applies. Even long term relationships have sloppy slip-ups.

    And this post is full of Win for the single/dating/serial/poly peeps too. I wish I’d been self-forgiving back in the day, but I slut-shamed myself too much.

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