There’s a lot of misinformation around the web about sex and fat people. Particularly when it comes to the sexual skills fat people possess. I thought we’d have a little tongue-in-cheek fun by breaking down these myths and getting to the truth of the matter.
Myth #1: Fat chicks give better head.
Well, not only is this a heterosexist myth (because I never see the “head” being referred to as being given to another woman), but it’s wildly inaccurate. Fat girls as a group have the same ratio of members who are good at blowjobs/not good at blowjobs. Some of the “backup” given for this assertion is just silly. “Fat girls are hungrier.” “Fat girls have to work harder,” Please. This relates to another myth—that fat girls have low self-esteem. So since we have low self-esteem, we have to compensate for our fatness by being really good at blowjobs. Look, I’m good at head because I work at it. Give us some credit here. Most girls I know, including fat girls, don’t just give up the bj to any douchebag that has the audacity to ask, anyway. This myth is really more of a fervent hope than anything. Moving on…
Myth #2: Fat chicks put out more.
Okay, it is true that fat women tend to have more sex, but having a lot of sex doesn’t = putting out. Putting out implies that you’re doing it out of obligation, to get someone to like you, or because you’re trying to please someone. Couldn’t it be that fat girls in general are feeling better about their bodies and therefore feel less inhibited during sex, so they’re more likely to have it? No one goes there. The referenced study at least destroys the myth that no one is attracted to fat women. Clearly someone is because we’re having sex.
Myth #3: For the bros: Fat guys suck in bed.
Actually, fat guys apparently have it better than their thinner brothers—many of them last longer and don’t suffer from the curse of premature ejaculation. I can testify to this fact. Being thin, while you’d think it’d be a good thing since supposedly thin=fit so your stamina is supposed to be better, actually hinders your cause. Anecdotally, the fat guys I’ve been with lasted longer on average than the “fittest” dudes I’ve been with. So there you go.
Bonus Myth #4: OMG, how do two fat people have sex?
For your information and enjoyment, there are many ways two fat people can have sex. I mean, really. Stop with the “roll her in flour” jokes.
That concludes this edition of Fat Sex Myths. Have a hot weekend—and try some of those positions. We’ll go back to being serious next week.