I did a post on Bitch called “Unicorns, Better Head and Other Myths” in which I briefly brought up the commonly-held belief that fat girls are better at blowjobs. Namely because they have such low self-esteem that they’re grateful for the opportunity to get anywhere near a dick, so they get really good at it. This myth is recognizably heterosexist and cissexist in that it refers solely to fat girls’ relationships with cis men’s penises. But since that’s the common usage, I’m going to talk specifically about the act of giving a cis guy a blowjob.

Blowjobs and I have a complicated relationship, and that has a lot to do with me being fat. See, I’m good at giving blowjobs. Really good. I make men stutter, I produce euphoria that lasts hours after I finish swallowing, I learn quickly and I love doing it. I’ll go down in an instant if I like someone, not because I’m trying to get guys to like me or really do much more for them–it’s because I like doing it, it gives me pleasure. For me it’s not really something I’m doing for their benefit until I have more of an emotional relationship with them. In fact, I tend to hold back on going down on guys for a few dates when I’m interested in a relationship. I haven’t been as vocal as I’d like to be about my love of giving blowjobs because I’m fat, and when fat chicks go down on a cis guy, they’re doing it because they’re desperate. Or emotionally damaged. Or seeking male attention. Whatever the reason, it’s never a positive one and it’s always related to fat being something you have to overcome when dating. So I’m reluctant to go ahead and fulfill that stereotype. It’s like how I want to make sure my hair doesn’t smell so people don’t think all black women’s hair is dirty. You know?

The “fat girls give better head” stereotype is of course fatphobic but is also inherently slut-shaming because it’s representing being proficient at a sex act as something negative. And in a lot of people’s minds, being good at sex means you’ve had more, which equals slut/whore for women. It’s tied in to the stereotype of fat girls as “easy” (aka slutty) because they have low self-esteem, and not because they simply love sex. When you’re a fat girl you’re not allowed to have a lot of sex unless you’re desperately searching for attention. The sex-loving, confident fat girl is in this case invisible. Our sexuality is always complicated by the difference between our view of our own sexuality and society’s view of what fat sexuality should look like. Meaning, it should be either kept completely behind closed doors or fit within the framework of self-loathing and body hate that all fat women are expected to experience on a daily basis. This is why cultivating a sex-positive culture is necessarily important to fat/body acceptance, and why we have to make fat visible in sex-positive movements and spaces.

That is the reason I decided to stop worrying about fulfilling stereotypes and start making myself visible as a sex-loving, confident fat chick on my own terms. I’m not just talking about loving giving head, but also about owning my sexuality. That’s also pretty much the reason I started this blog, because I wanted to represent a different way of viewing fat women’s sexuality. This space is important to me, and I hope by being open about myself, I can encourage other fat girls who maybe haven’t yet to start down the path of owning their sexuality. Also, I like talking about sex.

And that’s about it.

48 thoughts on “When fat chicks give better head

  1. wonderful! I feel the same way. I am stunningly good at giving head. When I heard that I was somehow part of the fat girl stereotype.. I was hurt cause.. you know these skillz took dedicaTION to learn. Observing men and their bodies, their rhythm their pressure and depth… a sensitivity to go faster or slower with the masculine sex which normally is not as vocal… it’s art, really. It’s not, “I like putting shit in my mouth: ice cream, drum sticks…your DICK.” But rather what it is? For me, sensuality is so important, moving liquid bodies and intimate space-scapes like how I dance, like how I eat mofos yeah that too and like how I embrace the pleasure of life and wring it dry.

  2. wonderful! I feel the same way. I am stunningly good at giving head. When I heard that I was somehow part of the fat girl stereotype.. I was hurt cause.. you know these skillz took dedicaTION to learn. Observing men and their bodies, their rhythm their pressure and depth… a sensitivity to go faster or slower with the masculine sex which normally is not as vocal… it’s art, really. It’s not, “I like putting shit in my mouth: ice cream, drum sticks…your DICK.” But rather what it is? For me, sensuality is so important, moving liquid bodies and intimate space-scapes like how I dance, like how I eat mofos yeah that too and like how I embrace the pleasure of life and wring it dry.

  3. YES. I’m a fat chick. I like having things in my mouth. I like giving blowjobs. FUCK THE HATERS.

  4. YES. I’m a fat chick. I like having things in my mouth. I like giving blowjobs. FUCK THE HATERS.

  5. I like how you write about sexuality, and your sharp use of “cis.” The way you phrase this sentence is fabulous: “The “fat girls give better head” stereotype is of course fatphobic but
    is also inherently slut-shaming because it’s representing being
    proficient at a sex act as something negative.”

    It’s great to read someone writing about being a good head-giver and “a quick learner.” When I talk about it personally, it feels like I’m bragging or something but when it’s true, it’s true!

    •  I know this post is almost a year old, but I just stumbled across it. I echo what Sandra says, that sentence is great. Because it’s true. If you’re good at anything sexual, and you’re female, you’re a slut.
      I love giving my boyfriend head, and I’m getting good at it. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not a fat girl, but even us skinny girls have trouble with people slut shaming us as well.

      In the end, it’s no one’s business if I’m good at anything in bed, except the person I’m with. Everyone else needs to go take a hike.

  6. I like how you write about sexuality, and your sharp use of “cis.” The way you phrase this sentence is fabulous: “The “fat girls give better head” stereotype is of course fatphobic but
    is also inherently slut-shaming because it’s representing being
    proficient at a sex act as something negative.”

    It’s great to read someone writing about being a good head-giver and “a quick learner.” When I talk about it personally, it feels like I’m bragging or something but when it’s true, it’s true!

    •  I know this post is almost a year old, but I just stumbled across it. I echo what Sandra says, that sentence is great. Because it’s true. If you’re good at anything sexual, and you’re female, you’re a slut.
      I love giving my boyfriend head, and I’m getting good at it. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not a fat girl, but even us skinny girls have trouble with people slut shaming us as well.

      In the end, it’s no one’s business if I’m good at anything in bed, except the person I’m with. Everyone else needs to go take a hike.

  7. I’m a big girl myself and i never thought about my size having anything to do with my sexuality or the way i give head. I love to stimulate a man and go down on him because i believe that the act is the best thing that you could ever do for man. I love the reaction a man gives and the feeling that i get when i know i’m doing such an excellent job blowing.

  8. I’m a big girl myself and i never thought about my size having anything to do with my sexuality or the way i give head. I love to stimulate a man and go down on him because i believe that the act is the best thing that you could ever do for man. I love the reaction a man gives and the feeling that i get when i know i’m doing such an excellent job blowing.

  9. Thank god i’m not the only one!Giving head is FUN and i like doing it. But being stereotyped is annoying as hell. I could just wring the neck of whoever came up with this stereotype. Or kill th people that started being good at sex as a negative thing anyway.

  10. Thank god i’m not the only one!Giving head is FUN and i like doing it. But being stereotyped is annoying as hell. I could just wring the neck of whoever came up with this stereotype. Or kill th people that started being good at sex as a negative thing anyway.

  11. I don’t really understand the level of pride over being compliant and able to perform stereotyped behaviors. Why should we spend time “Observing men and their bodies, their rhythm their pressure and depth… a sensitivity to go faster or slower with the masculine sex which normally is not as vocal”  as one poster put it? Like men haven’t had enough attention over the years. I’m 35, I’ve been giving head for years, gotten many compliments and trust me- it’s *not* an art. That’s just glitter on a pig’s ass. Men aren’t so hard to please any art is involved, you want art go learn a real skill. I see nothing wrong with enjoying sex but I also see nothing self affirming about being able to say “look how good I conform to the patriarchy!”  

    • Speaking as a man, for me if I’m going down on a woman it’s because I enjoy doing so and I enjoy giving as much pleasure as I can to a person I like or even love. You make it sound like such a negative thing. Also, compliments don’t really always have to mean something, I believe that if you’re good you’ll know you’re good, because of the movements of your partner etc. and whether or not men are easy(-er) to please sexually is impossible to know really, because lets face it, we are all 6 billion very different people. I guess we’re all biased by our personal experiences though, something tells me yours with men have not always been as positive as mine with women. No hard feelings though. <3

  12. I don’t really understand the level of pride over being compliant and able to perform stereotyped behaviors. Why should we spend time “Observing men and their bodies, their rhythm their pressure and depth… a sensitivity to go faster or slower with the masculine sex which normally is not as vocal”  as one poster put it? Like men haven’t had enough attention over the years. I’m 35, I’ve been giving head for years, gotten many compliments and trust me- it’s *not* an art. That’s just glitter on a pig’s ass. Men aren’t so hard to please any art is involved, you want art go learn a real skill. I see nothing wrong with enjoying sex but I also see nothing self affirming about being able to say “look how good I conform to the patriarchy!”  

    • Speaking as a man, for me if I’m going down on a woman it’s because I enjoy doing so and I enjoy giving as much pleasure as I can to a person I like or even love. You make it sound like such a negative thing. Also, compliments don’t really always have to mean something, I believe that if you’re good you’ll know you’re good, because of the movements of your partner etc. and whether or not men are easy(-er) to please sexually is impossible to know really, because lets face it, we are all 6 billion very different people. I guess we’re all biased by our personal experiences though, something tells me yours with men have not always been as positive as mine with women. No hard feelings though. <3

  13. Ronnellwade says:

    Sup this Nel I just wanted to say this new day and it’s a lot of guys that dig
    bigger women not just cause there sex is good but half the time that perfect
    looking chick that guys wanna get at has a ugly outlook about herself because
    of there selfish atitude an she thinks she better then any other women but mean
    actually look for a women with a outgoing personality and most of them be bigger
    women and nothing like loving a heavy set women I think thats as good as it can get
    no lie fuck a skinny bitch it’s all about thickness and sweet sense of humor.

  14. Ronnellwade says:

    Sup this Nel I just wanted to say this new day and it’s a lot of guys that dig
    bigger women not just cause there sex is good but half the time that perfect
    looking chick that guys wanna get at has a ugly outlook about herself because
    of there selfish atitude an she thinks she better then any other women but mean
    actually look for a women with a outgoing personality and most of them be bigger
    women and nothing like loving a heavy set women I think thats as good as it can get
    no lie fuck a skinny bitch it’s all about thickness and sweet sense of humor.

  15. LoveingHeadFromBigGirls says:

    I personally think this is one of the most attractive traits for fat girls. I’ve never had a bad (if there is such a thing) blowjob from one. I actually love oral and seek out a little chunkier of a woman exactly for this reason. In my personal experience, it’s usually because they like to enjoy themselves as much as I do and aren’t batsh*t crazy about stigmas associated with sex. I mean the skinny girls usually have eating disorders and a whole bunch of other problems.

  16. torrencedavis says:

    We had a conversation about this because my friend met a plus sized woman at a bar and in her first sentence she mentioned that she gave good head. I’ve been with women of all sizes and looking back on it, the plus sized women were better in bed. Not for any particular reason, they just were.

  17. Hey girls,I must say I’m not sure why everyone is giving titles ,,I am married to a wonderfully curvatious,,bubbleishous,,plus size lady and I’m in great shape she says I have a super heroe build,,lol we have been married almost 20 years and I can say plus size woman are warmer and passionate,,and I think there shouldn’t be a stereotype if you love the one your with as she is it makes for better love making,,if weight is a health issue then it’s different ,,but as for sex,,I think when you really love that person ,,you can take sex to a level that only comes when both are so intoxicated by each other that the weight isn’t an issue,,,so if you have curves,,look for the guy who loves YOU as you are and it will be amazing,,if you feel insecure about the weight then try to loose some ,,but to many people put titles where they are unnecessary.i think big girls who are happy with them selves are great lovers.that’s all.

  18. Brandy Ferguson says:

    Settle for what u can get. Blow jobs is what I do. They dont want to have sex with me b/c Im fat so the agreement is head and hand jobs or tittyfucks.

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