every day i try to claw my way back to the past, & every day i try to push the future away.

i do not exist in the present. my mind is either focused on what was, or it is focused on what might be.

i know that at some point prior to now, things were better. & i know that things are likely to get worse.

things are getting worse, now.

i am realizing i have sacrificed health for perceived beauty, and it has brought me nothing.

more regret, more things to wish could be done over.

if i could simply opt out of my life at this point, i would.

all i feel is a cosmic microwave background of depression.

i stay up late to try to prevent tomorrow from coming.

i get up late to try to avoid starting today.


(written june 12 2012)