every night, i give up.

i concede defeat to loneliness. i settle into the reality that i will probably not love deeply again. my ability to feel anything but unrequited love seems to have left me. i can’t feel love for family, for friends. i don’t know any other emotion but intense longing. nothing is good enough, nothing is the same as it was before and all i want is for things to be the same. i can’t see past the storm so i hold on to what i once had, what i know worked, somewhat. maybe i wasn’t happy then either, but it seems so much more than today.

i have lost my faith in hope.


(written may 5 2012)