NOTE: most posts pre-2016 or so have been moved to the archive.

Half as much (pt. 6)

“Goodnight, Jennifer.” Mother stands in the bedroom doorway, made ghostly in the waxing crescent moonlight, her shadow further darkening the dim hall behind her. “Goodnight, Mother,” Amara says from bed, turning away from the door as Mother shuts it behind her. Amara breathes shallowly, listening as Mother pads down the hall towards her and Father’s […]

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The shape of a memory: surviving sexual abuse outside the bounds of rationality

I don’t remember the first time I was raped, but I know it happened. I don’t recall when the memory was lost. I can’t answer #WhyIDidntReport. I do recall remembering exactly what happened, in re-traumatizingly clear detail, two years later: in the middle of an assembly at school on reporting sexual abuse. And then, I […]

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Half as much (pt. 5)

Under a waning crescent moon, Amara is in the woods, dipping her hand into a black plastic garbage bag and plucking out tiny cafeteria packets of salt; ripping them open with her teeth and shaking them out until their combined contents form a thick, unbroken circle. She shuts her eyes and speaks under captured breath […]

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Half as much (pt. 4)

Patrice Leah Brown, Esq. holds a steaming cup of ginseng tea in one smooth brown manicured hand and scans her maroon At-A-Glance with the other. Someone had the nerve to schedule meetings at 12:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. She shakes her head and considers canceling before she looks closer and sees that the meetings are […]

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Half as much (pt. 3)

“It’s more than grief, baby…” “But sometimes that seems like that’s all there is.” “There’s joy, too. Trust me. But you have to be here for it.” “I feel raw, Mama.” “I know, baby. But you’ll toughen up. You’ll get stronger.” “I don’t think I’m as strong as you, Mama. Maybe it’s the white in […]

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Half as much (pt. 2)

The wind is smacking the metal blinds against Amara’s open bedroom window when she gets back to her apartment, making an awful racket. Damn. I hope that hasn’t woken Mama up.  She walks up the steps to the gate and undoes the latch, closing it behind her with a click. She takes soft steps down […]

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Half as much (pt. 1)

Gusts of wind rustle dead leaves up and down the street. Something resembling a man stands at the edge of a wobbly ring of salt cast on the asphalt, leering down at someone resembling a teenage girl. His lumbering shadow eclipses her small frame, blocking out what little moonlight manages to find its way through […]

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Capitalism, patriarchy, and other reasons I’m fat: revisiting fatness as choice

Neoliberal capitalism is obsessed with choice: the illusion of it, anyway. Same with patriarchy, white supremacy, imperialism, settler colonialism—they all sustain themselves in part by making our oppression our job. We internalize the rules so we can flog ourselves for breaking them, over and over again. We proclaim, loudly, that we deserve what we get, […]

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Flowchart to explain my recent existential depression

primary conflict: i know i’m insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but i need to believe i’m talented (aka special) in some way to motivate myself to try. why (is this a problem)? 1.   the odds are stacked against me due to my: i. non-traditional (read: non-straightcisrichwhitemale) life trajectory ii. race/gender/class/sexual orientation/disability and i’m […]

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